I am a very introverted person. The solitude that comes with monasticism is natural to me. Sometimes, however, even with the forced isolation of the Pandemic, I feel loneliness instead of solitude. Connectedness with others is extremely important for human beings.
Secular Monasticism doesn’t need to force you into an unnatural anti-social state. If you’re extroverted, you’ll definitely need to maintain meaningful connections with others. The catch is that you should do so with intent and in the most literal sense, choose your friends wisely.
There’s a lot to chew on here (consider meditatively). What is the goal of your interactions? Are you somehow cultivating Good, whether yours or your friend’s? How can the interaction be meaningful and favorably impactful. Reflect upon social interactions, both online and in person and consider what your contribution was, and were there any fruits from the exchange.
There may be some people that you discover you need to keep at arms reach with polite filtering. Others you may favor with your new lens.
Consider carefully friends with whom you share bad habits. Make sure your relationship isn’t just a bond over enablement. It can be a difficult thing to check, as often these associations feel like significant bonds, but upon scrutiny, are of little substance.
If you’re introverted, your monasticism shouldn’t be a place to simply hide. Through empathy and contemplation, deepen the relationships that you have chosen to cultivate. Show openness and honesty in conversation with your friends. Listen to them. It’s hard to find social reward in talking to oneself, but I often find myself engrossed in the social dynamics of my pack, which does help sustain feelings of connectedness.
Whether you are introverted or extroverted, deliberately maintaining friendships with good people in your life is important. Take time to assess your need for socialization, and approach opportunities with an open, positive, and purposeful spirit.